


Another Now

by emmathecharming



Series: Gold's Secrets Revealed [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 19:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2519519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmathecharming/pseuds/emmathecharming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A follow up to The Last Strike. What goes through Belle's mind in the hours after she leaves Gold's shop. Where can she go after all that's happened?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Now

    Belle didn't know where to go. Where does one go after their whole world has fallen apart? She couldn't very well go home. What if he showed up? It was his house after all. But she'd never had a home of her own her in Storybrooke. She'd lived with her father and then with Rumple. There was always Granny’s but ignoring its proximity to the shop and the rest of town, the small, blank rooms of the bed and breakfast were all too similar to the room in the hospital she had occupied during the first curse, the room that held so many painful memories. No Granny’s wouldn’t do. She didn't want to bother anyone else in town though by asking to stay with them. They were all dealing with so much as it was without her asking for a place to stay. She didn’t want to cause anyone any trouble. She would have to think of something else.

    Finally, after several minutes wandering up and down Main Street, she thought of a solution, the house on the edge of town that she’d shared with Rumple during their honeymoon. It would be painful, no doubt, but at least she would be safe there. She would also be far enough away from everyone else to allow her to work through what had just happened.

    Belle made her way to the edge of town, cautiously since she was walking. She had never thought about how few things she had here in Storybrooke. Not only had she never had a home of her own but she had no car. Everything she had was part of her life with Rumple. She could think of few things that belonged to just her.

     The house was harder to find in the dark than she'd expected. Finally she found it; she could see the outline of the roof against the sky. She made her way slowly to the front door and then inside, after all she couldn't be sure that she was alone.

     Once she was sure that she was in fact alone, she began to roam through the empty house. There were so many rooms with so many wonderful memories. There was the ballroom where they shared their first dance after the wedding, the kitchen where they had cooked dinner together that night, and the library where they had chosen to eat forsaking the dining room in favor of the room that reminded them so much of the one Rumple had given her so long ago. Finally she reached the stairs. Up those stairs she would find the room where they'd spent their first night together as husband and wife.

    She stood at the bottom of the stairs for a while, unable to force herself to take the first step. Perhaps she should just sleep on the sofa, she was pretty sure she had seen one earlier.

    "No." she thought. "I can do this. I need to do this."

    She took one step and then another, slowly making her way to the top. She looked to the left and saw several doors, one of which was sure to lead to another bedroom. But then she looked to her right and saw the door she and Rumple had chosen that first night. It was still slightly ajar. They must not have been very careful when they left. Through the door she could see the beautiful bed they had slept in that night. Her hard, composed exterior began to fall away at the sight but she stepped forward anyway.

    She wasn't sure why she walked through that door. She knew that it would be painful for her, being surrounded by all the memories that were sure to surface as soon as she did.

    She was right. As soon as she stepped through the door, the memories came flooding back. She could almost see the two of them before her eyes. She saw the laughter, the smiles, the kisses, the love. That love that had seemed so true and pure to her then but was now so dark and painful. That was the thing about love, it didn't just go away. Her heart may be broken, but the love was still there adding to her new pain.

    She thought back through the time they had spent together. She thought back to the Enchanted Forest, back to when he was still feared as the infamous Dark One. She had never understood why everyone had been so afraid of him, even then. She had always seen the good in him, even when he couldn't see it himself. He had come so close, even back then, to letting go of his power to instead hold on to his love for her. She remembered the day they shared their first kiss. She had been so happy. It looked as if his curse would be broken and he would finally be open to her love. But instead he chose his power over her. Perhaps she should have given up after that. Maybe she should have taken that as a sign. She could have saved herself so much heartbreak if she had simply left him and never given him another thought.    

    Then she thought back to the time they had spent together here in Storybrooke. She had seen him struggle again with the darkness within him. She had seen him triumph over it to protect her and his son from Pan. She had lost him too. She remembered the pain of that time without him but also the joy she felt after finding him again. She had seen his darkness while he was under Zelena's control and she had been with him through the loss of his son. She had seen him change and become a better man, or least she thought she had. Perhaps that was all a lie too. How could she know what was real anymore?

    She awoke from her thoughts for a moment to find that she had somehow made her way to sit on the bed and tears were now falling steadily down her face. How different tonight was from the last time she was here. That joy was gone leaving misery in its place. The sharp contrast between the moments delivering another blow to her heart. Why had she chosen this place, this place that had come to mean so much to her? Perhaps she had wanted to go back, back to that time when she had been so happy, so joyful. But now that she was back where it had happened, she realized just how impossible that dream was. Even if she could find some way to forgive him, they would never be able to go back to what they had been. That life was gone, the trust she once possessed for him had been shattered. 

    She couldn't help but long for the way things had been. Loving Rumple had never been easy by any means. But it had been good. She had loved him with everything she had and had felt his love in return. But she couldn't help but wonder if any of that had been real. He had lied to her, even on their wedding day. He had gone back on his promise to leave Zelena alive. The dagger, what was supposed to be a symbol of his love and trust, had been a fake. Their marriage had started with a pile of lies. And yet....   

     No matter what she told herself, the lies she listed, the promises that he had broken, she knew that, deep down at least, she did still love him. She probably always would. But the question was what to do with that love now. She couldn't see herself forgiving him, not now anyway. The thought of a life spent without him made her want to scream. But the thought of trying again after today was unimaginable. She knew that this was not a decision she was going to be able to make in a night, nor should she try to. She knew that what she needed now was sleep. She knew that sleep would not be easy but she had to try anyway. She couldn't find the strength to leave that room despite the pain she felt being there. So instead, she simply lay down where she was, the tears still flowing, and closed her eyes hoping that tomorrow would bring a new beginning where she could start to move forward.


End file.
